You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
