he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
two words: eviction party
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
