please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
