i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
