I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
