There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
