i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
