Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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