I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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