I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
