Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
