yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
