1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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