what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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