my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
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