I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
