the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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