I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
