both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
