when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
