i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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