She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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