Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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