i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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