Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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