I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
