We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
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She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
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Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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