If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
