I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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