Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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