Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
