Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
