Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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