yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
