its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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