last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
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My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Please don't give away my fajitas
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