Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
