Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
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You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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