Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
