Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just want to make out with him forever
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
