I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
