I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
