Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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