a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Everclear isn't food dammit
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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