Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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