I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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