smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
