I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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