i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
