i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
