please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
