You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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