Do vagina's smell?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Come on in and take your pants off
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