I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
