Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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