anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
