Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
