wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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