Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm like, not good at living.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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