When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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