yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
