I met the friendliest cop last night
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
