I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
