Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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