I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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