So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
MIDGETS
????
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
