sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
