So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
false alarm, still single
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