His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
