I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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