so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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