is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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