Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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