I love black thongs
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
