I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Randomize
