Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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