We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
