When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
