You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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